Another Winter down, if you want to call whatever the last 3 months were Winter! A great perk and a possibly disastrous problem with living in So Cal is we are not subject to the extremes most the other parts of the country get on a yearly basis, but it does make me appreciate traveling to areas that actually do get Winter much more. I went up to Portland for my birthday in February and finally seeing some rain, snow and clouds was an exceptionally nice break from what seemed like a never ending summer here in So Cal. Leaving Portland seems to get harder and harder and this past trip I felt as though the second the plane touched down I was already dreading going back home. There were many reasons for this longing to stay away as long as I could, but the one that nagged at me the hardest was my inability to find a job. I know my capabilities, I know my work ethic and I know what high standards I have set for myself and getting turned down over and over again was defeating to say the least. For a while it seemed as though I would be destined for a career that involves absolutely nothing I have studied, am passionate about or even something that remotely interests me.
After fighting a pretty severe form of cancer, I am more motivated and wanting to work than ever before in my life. I tried doing jobs just to make money, but I found working in environments where I do not need to use my brain and people don’t depend on me for anything was not benefiting me other than making money, in fact I felt as though I was becoming depressed and going to sleep at night knowing I would wake up only to waste another day made me feel extremely defeated and anxious. I was and always will be grateful for the jobs I was offered and the people who helped keep me on my feet along the way, but my brain seemed to have re-wired itself after removing a chunk of it and now I have this nagging and never ending feeling of anxiety that I am wasting my life. I now feel like I am on the clock and there is a little timer ticking down, I don’t know when this timer will expire (and I hope it’s not for another 50 years), but I am also a realist and I know the severity of my condition. I am 16 months stable which is not very common for my ailment, but I have read of many other people making it 2, 3, 5, 6 years before their first recurrence. I am nowhere near out of the woods, in fact I have barely made my way past the first creek and still trying to get my bearings on which direction to head. This is the ultimate driving force making me push harder and dedicate myself to something that can make an impact on this world in whatever way I can with whatever time I have.
As some may have noticed, I have not posted an update in quite a while… Mostly because other than my clean scan a couple weeks ago, rI had nothing good to report and I didn’t want to sound like a negative Nancy, but as of lately things have been looking up. I am finally working again and in a position that has potential to be something where I can actually help grow the company. Anyone need or want some new windows or any type of doors for your home, call me! I also have a side job to make some extra money on the weekends at a friends restaurant in the Orange Circle called Linx- if you are ever in the area on the weekends and want some amazing gourmet hot dogs and craft beers stop in and say hi!
I also have many things to look forward to in the next 5 months. Next weekend I will finallllllllly be going to the Grand Canyon! Only took me 29 years and being less than 6 hours from it my whole life is kind of embarrassing, but better late than never and I think the group we have going will make this a trip that I will never forget so it was worth the wait! My sister is coming into town to visit for her birthday in a couple weeks and who knows what trouble we will find for ourselves! I am also taking a few more trips around California, Portland and Vegas culminating with a trip to Fiji and New Zealand in August!
I am ready to move forward and live my life again. I was hesitant and weary to start… I had to figure some personal feelings out with myself and make sure I was ready for what is next. I think that hesitant energy relayed into my life more than I had ever thought and now that I know where I want to head things are finally starting to get on track. I know there will be many more bumps, bruises and maybe even a surgery or two, but I will always do everything I can to come out on top.
Reflecting back and looking forward I know I will find my way. I have faith and confidence enough in myself and the people I surround myself with that we will all find our ways together. I might be taking a little longer than some and others might take longer than me, but we all will eventually sort it out.
Please keep all those current cancer fighters in your thoughts and prayers and send all the positive vibes you can spare their way!
Practice patience. Practice kindness. Practice optimism. Practice nutrition. Practice positivity. Practice health. Practice Yoga
PS- Sorry about the lack of news regarding The Little Kings Foundation. We are in middle of a rebranding and also redirecting our mission. We have some really exciting news coming in the next couple months which will allow us to work with a much larger group of people afflicted by numerous different ailments! Worry not! All donations already given will still directly go towards the initial mission and vision of the LKF as it was founded. :) :) :)
A few shots from the desert in Washington. (Click the Pictures to see full size)